Pot-pourri from a Surrey garden

Every young mother says and thinks, ' This sort of thing shall never happen with my children ; ' but it does happen, again and again. The cause DAUGHTERS 319 lies, not in the want of kindness, but in a want of intelligence — the intelligence to put one's self on the level of a child and to see its life from its point of view. This faculty is so rarely displayed that it is safe to con- clude it rarely exists. It is a gift of no mean order, for, however generous our intentions may be, it is an exceed- ingly difficult task to deal out justice. I do not deny that there is a tendency in most people to exaggerate the troubles of their childhood, which must be taken into account ; but how many a mother thinks that her darlings are all right, and so bright and happy, with every reason to be so, when, in fact, they are eating their little hearts out in misery and sorrow ! The capability for suffering in some children is quite extraordinary, and trivial things assume colossal proportions in their small lives. When girls are brought up under teachers and governesses, as is generally the case in the houses of the wealthy, the difficulty is increased. To complain of these authorities to the still higher but more distant authority of a parent is a very doubtful means of redress, and, in case of failure, the risk of punishment or of an aggravation of the evil — real or imagined — which gave rise to the com- plaint, is too terrible to be faced. Almost all girls, under such circumstances, are afraid to speak the truth. In my own case I was not afraid of my mother, but this made the keeping of governesses very difficult. I had eight of them before I was fifteen, and I disliked all but one. I expect, though doubtless I was a 'horrid child,' that, as regards the governesses, I was pretty clear- judging. Of course, the governesses of to-day have a very different idea of their duties from what was usual fifty years ago. Special training is given to those who undertake to teach the young, and this is now recognised as an art in itself, independently of having knowledge and information to impart. Such a change has greatly helped to raise 320 POT-POURRI FROM A SURREY GARDEN the vocation of a governess to a far more competent standard. How to gain the confidence of children — that is the eternal problem. Broadly speaking, I believe no one ever helps human nature, except by assuming it to be higher and nobler than it is. It is humiliating to be deceived, but it is better to be so a thousand times than once to underrate a good quality or a good impulse, or to give up hope and trust. It is difficult to see and to be with our children enough, and the difficulty is not solved even by the mother teaching the children their lessons herself. Anybody, I am inclined to believe, does this better than she can. No morning occupation or after- noon class together does away with the necessity for devoting to the children the all-important interval between five o'clock and bed-time, which it is hard for some mothers to give to them. In my opinion a wise mother should give up her friends rather than her child- ren at that hour. If the father can be at home then, too, so much the better. At that time children are a little tired and want amusing.