I think this is far better
done by talking to them, and by playing the piano and
singing to them, or by teaching them how to play by
themselves some kind of semi-active game, than by
obliging them to employ themselves quietly, or by reading
to them. If they attend and listen, it is too tiring for
them ; and if they do not, it is a thorough waste of time.
A great many children, if encouraged to speak openly,
will tell you that they do not care about being read to,
unless it is some child's story which they almost know
by heart, and which is read to them over and over again,
as the nurses do. Of course, I am now only speaking of
children under eleven or twelve years old.
A great drawback, not only to the children but to the
parents, in what is called upper-class life, is that the
DAUGHTERS 321
duties of that life necessitate the consigning of their
children for a great part of the day to the care of others.
If there were no nurseries and no schoolrooms, there
would be no necessity for a ' children's hour ' at all, for
the children would share life with their mother from the
first, and she would derive her pleasure from taking care
of them. A serious difficulty for the mother is that she
has to compete with the devotion and constant attention
of the nurses and governesses. It is this which often
gives children the idea that it is only when with their
mother that they are dull, neglected, and expected to
occupy and amuse themselves ; and this is certainly an
undesirable impression to produce at an age when im-
pressions are strong and likely to be lasting. Every case
must be judged individually, and a woman must put to
herself how far it is necessary that she should separate
her life from the life of her children. As a matter of
fact, it ought to depend on what is her husband's social
position, or on what is his idea of her duties to him. In
the cases where it is most difficult for a woman to see
much of her children — let us say, in the large houses of
the rich in town or country — it is better that children and
governess should be turned into the hosts, and that the
parents and guests should go to them for tea, rather than
the usual arrangement of the children being brought into
the drawing-room.
In speaking to young mothers who are inclined to be
over-anxious, and who begin worrying themselves over
details of their children's education, I always try and
remind them that no education really affects the character
very much before about twelve years old, so long as
attention is paid in every way to their health and to the
kind of nurses who are about them. As one gets old,
one remembers the numbers of children that were brought
up in totally different ways ; and yet, roughly speaking,
322 POT-POURRI FROM A SURREY GARDEN
Page 189
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I think this is far better
done by talking to them, and by playing the piano and
singing to them, or by teaching them how to play by
themselves some kind of semi-active game, than by
obliging them to employ themselves quietly, or by reading
to them. If they attend and listen, it is too tiring for
them ; and if they do not, it is a thorough waste of time.
A great many children, if encouraged to speak openly,
will tell you that they do not care about being read to,
unless it is some child's story which they almost know
by heart, and which is read to them over and over again,
as the nurses do. Of course, I am now only speaking of
children under eleven or twelve years old.
A great drawback, not only to the children but to the
parents, in what is called upper-class life, is that the
DAUGHTERS 321
duties of that life necessitate the consigning of their
children for a great part of the day to the care of others.
If there were no nurseries and no schoolrooms, there
would be no necessity for a ' children's hour ' at all, for
the children would share life with their mother from the
first, and she would derive her pleasure from taking care
of them. A serious difficulty for the mother is that she
has to compete with the devotion and constant attention
of the nurses and governesses. It is this which often
gives children the idea that it is only when with their
mother that they are dull, neglected, and expected to
occupy and amuse themselves ; and this is certainly an
undesirable impression to produce at an age when im-
pressions are strong and likely to be lasting. Every case
must be judged individually, and a woman must put to
herself how far it is necessary that she should separate
her life from the life of her children. As a matter of
fact, it ought to depend on what is her husband's social
position, or on what is his idea of her duties to him. In
the cases where it is most difficult for a woman to see
much of her children — let us say, in the large houses of
the rich in town or country — it is better that children and
governess should be turned into the hosts, and that the
parents and guests should go to them for tea, rather than
the usual arrangement of the children being brought into
the drawing-room.
In speaking to young mothers who are inclined to be
over-anxious, and who begin worrying themselves over
details of their children's education, I always try and
remind them that no education really affects the character
very much before about twelve years old, so long as
attention is paid in every way to their health and to the
kind of nurses who are about them. As one gets old,
one remembers the numbers of children that were brought
up in totally different ways ; and yet, roughly speaking,
322 POT-POURRI FROM A SURREY GARDEN