venient seat, and when there is anything to be seen or heard,
must not fail to give her the best place. To push or jostle a
lady, to force yourself in front of her, to take, in any way,
advantage of her inferior size and strength, is the height of
rudeness, and is an act of which no true gentleman is ever
guilty. On the contrary, you should use your strength for
her advantage, allowing her in your presence to do nothing
disagreeable or arduous for herself which you can properly
do for her. When you are with ladies you must be particu-
larly careful to fall into no awkward or familiar positions.
Do not sit or staud with your hands in your pockets ; do not
lounge or sit with your feet higher than your head ; do uot
whistle or hum; do not yawn, and especially do not permit
yourself any of those liberties which I have already told you
are entirely forbidden in general society.
Remember what I have said to you in regard to the use
of your pocket handkerchief, and how careful you must fcfe
about blowing your nose, sneezing, picking your teeth, etc.
Then, too, you must scrupulously avoid annoying a lady by
any coarse words or gestures, or by any rude attempt at
familiarity. Let your manner to a lady be always modest,
quiet and attentive, roughness and noisy talk being always
repugnant to well bred, modest women.
When you are playing games in which ladies join, or
dancing, or engaged in any social amusement, you must allow
66
ON HABITS AND MANNERS.
yourself always to be governed by the pleasure of the ladies ;
they must take the lead and you must follow — that is, you
must permit them to choose what they will do and how it
shall be done, and must waive your own opinion.
You must not get up games or conversation among
yourselves to the exclusion of the ladies who are present,
and must be careful when refreshments are offered to see that
the ladies are properly served before you help yourselves.
If a lady drops a handkerchief, gloves, etc., you must at
once pick it up and politely return it to her, and if you.unin-
tentionally commit any rudeness, such as stepping on her
dress, failing to answer when she speaks, etc., you must at
once apologize and do what you can to atone for it. If a
lady is reading a book or paper you must not ask her to give
it up to you, but, on the other hand, if you are using any-
thing which you think she wants, you must offer it to her,
and, if she desires it, give it up at once. You should never
scrutinize closely a lady or her dress, and should never make
remarks about her ; indeed, this is carried so far that it is a
point of honor among gentlemen not to discuss freely among
themselves the character or appearance of their lady friends-
A lady desires, above all things, to be respected, and
you, as gentlemen, can show your respect for her in no bet-
ter way than by refusing to talk about her among your
companions. If you wish to accompany a lady home from
ON HABITS AND MANNERS, 67
any evening entertainment, you must ask her permission
and be careful not to force yourself upon her, while if you
do accompany her, you must not, upon reaching her home,
go in, unless she gives you an invitation to do so.
Page 28
Presented as published in 1888. Historical recipes may not meet modern food-safety standards. Cook from the modern interpretation, not the original instructions.
AI-modernized reading of the original text
venient seat, and when there is anything to be seen or heard, must not fail to give her the best place. To push or jostle a lady, to force yourself in front of her, to take, in any way, advantage of her inferior size and strength, is the height of rudeness, and is an act of which no true gentleman is ever guilty. On the contrary, you should use your strength for her advantage, allowing her in your presence to do nothing disagreeable or arduous for herself which you can properly do for her. When you are with ladies you must be particularly careful to fall into no awkward or familiar positions. Do not sit or stand with your hands in your pockets ; do not lounge or sit with your feet higher than your head ; do not whistle or hum; do not yawn, and especially do not permit yourself any of those liberties which I have already told you are entirely forbidden in general society.
Remember what I have said to you in regard to the use of your pocket handkerchief, and how careful you must be about blowing your nose, sneezing, picking your teeth, etc. Then, too, you must scrupulously avoid annoying a lady by any coarse words or gestures, or by any rude attempt at familiarity. Let your manner to a lady be always modest, quiet and attentive, roughness and noisy talk being always repugnant to well bred, modest women.
When you are playing games in which ladies join, or dancing, or engaged in any social amusement, you must allow
yourself always to be governed by the pleasure of the ladies ; they must take the lead and you must follow — that is, you must permit them to choose what they will do and how it shall be done, and must waive your own opinion.
You must not get up games or conversation among yourselves to the exclusion of the ladies who are present, and must be careful when refreshments are offered to see that the ladies are properly served before you help yourselves. If a lady drops a handkerchief, gloves, etc., you must at once pick it up and politely return it to her, and if you unintentionally commit any rudeness, such as stepping on her dress, failing to answer when she speaks, etc., you must at once apologize and do what you can to atone for it. If a lady is reading a book or paper you must not ask her to give it up to you, but, on the other hand, if you are using anything which you think she wants, you must offer it to her, and, if she desires it, give it up at once. You should never scrutinize closely a lady or her dress, and should never make remarks about her ; indeed, this is carried so far that it is a point of honor among gentlemen not to discuss freely among themselves the character or appearance of their lady friends-
A lady desires, above all things, to be respected, and you, as gentlemen, can show your respect for her in no better way than by refusing to talk about her among your companions. If you wish to accompany a lady home from
any evening entertainment, you must ask her permission and be careful not to force yourself upon her, while if you do accompany her, you must not, upon reaching her home, go in, unless she gives you an invitation to do so.