On habits and manners

I have no intention, as you see, of encouraging you with the assertion that it is an easy thing to be a gentleman, for that, I think, would be the surest road to your ultimate discouragement, but I want you to believe and act upon what I am sure is the truth — that is, that by care, patience, watching the habits of those who are better bred than yourselves, and modestly accepting instruction in whatever form it may come, you can make of yourselves gentlemen, of whom your friends and teachers will have no need to be ashamed. Now if you have read what has already been written to you, you have learned several things which I shall here merely recapitulate in brief. You have learned that thorough cleanliness is essential, that your dress should be neat, quiet, and always suitable to your occupation, and that at table your behaviour must be most carefully regulated. We come now, naturally, to your demeanor in general society — that is, in all social gatherings, in all public places, in the street and the house ; wherever, in short, you are brought in contact with your fellow beings, and the details which I shall try to make plain to you, demand your serious attention. Consideration for others, either real or apparent, is the foundation for good manners, and what you need to learn is to show such consideration constantly and easily, to make it so entirely habitual as to require no special effort. There are certain forms which you will have to follow, certain rules which you will have to obey, and the more thorough your knowledge of these, the pleasanter your social relations will be, both to yourself and others. Many of the principal of these rules relate to the respect which you are to show in certain ways, and, in greater or less degree, to all whom you may meet. For example, you must invariably give precedence to all women — young or old, rich or poor — to all old people, to all invalids, and to all to whom, from their position or character, you desire to show especial respect — that is, that you must never enter a room, carriage, etc., before such persons, or precede them through doors, gates, etc., or seat yourself before they are seated; but, on the contrary, should always be ready to assist them by the numberless little attentions which a gentleman has it in his power to bestow. Do you ask what these attentions are? Did you never see a gentleman assist a lady, or any one who was old or weak, from a carriage, or open a door for them to pass through, or carry a parcel for them, or pick up anything which they may have dropped, or close a window for them, or in a hundred wrays do something for them which it would be hard or disagreeable for them to do for themselves? If you will notice how wide the difference is in these matters between a rough, untrained man, and a gentleman, you will soon be convinced of their importance and the necessity for training yourselves to remember them, for everywhere and always it is these little things that mark a gentleman's manner.