Do not, as a rule, accept presents from young men ; do
not go out with young men alone, but try always to have
others of your own sex with you ; do not take a young man's
arm unless it is offered to you, and not even then unless the
time and place are suitable and the offer properly made ; in
a word, do not permit yourself to be familiar or free in your
manner, except with those with whom you are intimately
acquainted ; while so long as you are under the guidance of
parents, teachers, or friends, you will find it best to trust to
their judgment rather than yourown in regard to what is
proper and permissible for young women in their association
with young men.
And now, if I were face to face with you, I should like
to ask you, "What is it which, in your opinion, makes a
lady?" and from your answers judge of my own success in
this foregoing explanation. I cannot do that, but I can ask
you to think for yourselves about the matter, and to answer
to yourselves a few last questions.
To be a lady — is it not to be gentle, courteous and kind,
to speak and move without roughness or rude noise, to be
modest in look and word, to be considerate of others, to dress
quietly and suitably, to be respectful, to be neither unduly
shy nor presumptuously forward, to be at ease in regard to
ON HABITS AND MANNERS, 53
all ordinary social rules, to be bright and cheery without
coarseness, and to be all these not in public or at times only,
but everywhere and always? And of such an one can we
not say, u Strength and honor are her clothing, in her
tongue is the law of kindness — her price is far above rubies?'
CHAPTER IX.— In General Society.
FOR YOUNQ MEN.
The principal power in general society undoubtedly lies
in the hands of its female members — that is, it is to them
that Society looks for a careful maintenance of etiquette, and
for the support of a high standard of refinement, and you
will understand this when you remember how many things
3'ou do, as young men, among yourselves, which, as gentle-
men, you would not, on any account, do in the presence of
ladies. Now, of course, the rougher life, which, as a gene-
ral thing, falls to the lot of young men, and the fact that in
their struggle with the world they have little time for social
culture, explains this and to a certain extent excuses that
wrant of grace and ease which is so much more frequent
among young men than among young women. But, and I
want you to lay this to heart, neither this nor any other
reason, however plausible, can or ought to induce you to
54 ON HABITS AND MANNERS.
abate, by jot or tittle, your constant endeavor to become and
to be gentlemen. If you will once take the trouble to learn
what it is to be polite and well-bred, and will honestly try
to form the habit in yourselves, you will find that you need
never be too tired, or too busy, or too careless, to be gentle
and courteous in your manner to those about you, and you
will find, too, that every step which you take in this direc-
tion will bring its reward, and that, in the end, you will be
more than repaid for the exertion which, at the outset, may,
not improbably, seem to you very great.
Page 22
Presented as published in 1888. Historical recipes may not meet modern food-safety standards. Cook from the modern interpretation, not the original instructions.
AI-modernized reading of the original text
Do not, as a rule, accept presents from young men ; do not go out with young men alone, but try always to have others of your own sex with you ; do not take a young man's arm unless it is offered to you, and not even then unless the time and place are suitable and the offer properly made ; in a word, do not permit yourself to be familiar or free in your manner, except with those with whom you are intimately acquainted ; while so long as you are under the guidance of parents, teachers, or friends, you will find it best to trust to their judgment rather than yourown in regard to what is proper and permissible for young women in their association with young men.
And now, if I were face to face with you, I should like to ask you, "What is it which, in your opinion, makes a lady?" and from your answers judge of my own success in this foregoing explanation. I cannot do that, but I can ask you to think for yourselves about the matter, and to answer to yourselves a few last questions.
To be a lady — is it not to be gentle, courteous and kind, to speak and move without roughness or rude noise, to be modest in look and word, to be considerate of others, to dress quietly and suitably, to be respectful, to be neither unduly shy nor presumptuously forward, to be at ease in regard to
all ordinary social rules, to be bright and cheery without coarseness, and to be all these not in public or at times only, but everywhere and always? And of such an one can we not say, "Strength and honor are her clothing, in her tongue is the law of kindness — her price is far above rubies?'
CHAPTER IX.— In General Society.
FOR YOUNG MEN.
The principal power in general society undoubtedly lies in the hands of its female members — that is, it is to them that Society looks for a careful maintenance of etiquette, and for the support of a high standard of refinement, and you will understand this when you remember how many things 3'ou do, as young men, among yourselves, which, as gentlemen, you would not, on any account, do in the presence of ladies. Now, of course, the rougher life, which, as a general thing, falls to the lot of young men, and the fact that in their struggle with the world they have little time for social culture, explains this and to a certain extent excuses that wrant of grace and ease which is so much more frequent among young men than among young women. But, and I want you to lay this to heart, neither this nor any other reason, however plausible, can or ought to induce you to
abate, by jot or tittle, your constant endeavor to become and to be gentlemen. If you will once take the trouble to learn what it is to be polite and well-bred, and will honestly try to form the habit in yourselves, you will find that you need never be too tired, or too busy, or too careless, to be gentle and courteous in your manner to those about you, and you will find, too, that every step which you take in this direction will bring its reward, and that, in the end, you will be more than repaid for the exertion which, at the outset, may, not improbably, seem to you very great.