Firmness is absolutely essential in the moral government of children, and you can make no greater mistake than to give way to a child when once an issue has been raised between you. If you have deliberately given a child an order of any kind, have required any particular course of action, or ordained any punishment, then no matter how much time, strength and patience it may cost you, you must make good your words, and prove to the child that your will and power are stronger than his. If your child finds out that he can coax or weary or frighten you into revoking an order, or remitting a punishment, ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 139 your positions will be speedily changed, and his, not yours, will be the ruling will. Therefore, do not give too many orders, or inflict too many punishments ; but when you do decide that either the one or the other is necessary, then let nothing shake your determination or alter your action. You will find that such a course will not only be better for your children, but will also save you infinite trouble, for it will put an end to that constant teazing and bickering be- tween parents and children, which so often mar the happi- ness of family life and induce on both sides irritability of temper. Children soon find the difference between a person who is constantly finding fault without reason, giving orders which can be disobeyed with impunity, and ordaining pun- ishments which are never inflicted, and a person who reproves seldom but earnestly, whose orders are absolute, whose pun- ishments are not frequent, but serious, and not to be escaped. Under the first of these two systems, children will be care- less, impertinent, and self-willed; under the second, almost any child will become orderly and obedient, and it is for parents to decide which shall reign within their own family circle. The question of rewards and punishments is one which, as a matter of course, occupies much of the attention of every one who is brought into close relations with children, and it is certainly by no means a simple matter. To discourage 140 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. children in wrong-doing, and to encourage them in doing right j is practically the first object of moral education, and some system of punishment and reward is undoubtedly in- dispensable, especially with young children, who can under- stand nothing which does not directly appeal to their senses. As a general thing, however, rewards should not be offered to a child as an inducement to right-doing, but should be given after the act is performed, and then only when the child is really deserving, for constant rewards are to the moral nature wThat too much sugar is to the digestion, pro- ducing in both cases unwholesome and morbid conditions. You can teach children to feel that your approbation is their best reward, and that their goodness is your and their hap- piness, without creating in them a habit of expecting habit- ually a recompense for good behavior, and in this way you can gradually lead them to understand that it is their motives which you value rather than their actions ; that you look deeper than the external conduct ; into the spirit which prompts it.

AI-modernized reading of the original text

Firmness is absolutely essential in the moral government of children, and you can make no greater mistake than to give way to a child when once an issue has been raised between you. If you have deliberately given a child an order of any kind, have required any particular course of action, or ordained any punishment, then no matter how much time, strength and patience it may cost you, you must make good your words, and prove to the child that your will and power are stronger than his. If your child finds out that he can coax or weary or frighten you into revoking an order, or remitting a punishment, your positions will be speedily changed, and his, not yours, will be the ruling will. Therefore, do not give too many orders, or inflict too many punishments ; but when you do decide that either the one or the other is necessary, then let nothing shake your determination or alter your action. You will find that such a course will not only be better for your children, but will also save you infinite trouble, for it will put an end to that constant teazing and bickering between parents and children, which so often mar the happiness of family life and induce on both sides irritability of temper. Children soon find the difference between a person who is constantly finding fault without reason, giving orders which can be disobeyed with impunity, and ordaining punishments which are never inflicted, and a person who reproves seldom but earnestly, whose orders are absolute, whose punishments are not frequent, but serious, and not to be escaped. Under the first of these two systems, children will be careless, impertinent, and self-willed; under the second, almost any child will become orderly and obedient, and it is for parents to decide which shall reign within their own family circle. The question of rewards and punishments is one which, as a matter of course, occupies much of the attention of every one who is brought into close relations with children, and it is certainly by no means a simple matter. To discourage children in wrong-doing, and to encourage them in doing right is practically the first object of moral education, and some system of punishment and reward is undoubtedly indispensable, especially with young children, who can understand nothing which does not directly appeal to their senses. As a general thing, however, rewards should not be offered to a child as an inducement to right-doing, but should be given after the act is performed, and then only when the child is really deserving, for constant rewards are to the moral nature what too much sugar is to the digestion, producing in both cases unwholesome and morbid conditions. You can teach children to feel that your approbation is their best reward, and that their goodness is your and their happiness, without creating in them a habit of expecting habitually a recompense for good behavior, and in this way you can gradually lead them to understand that it is their motives which you value rather than their actions ; that you look deeper than the external conduct ; into the spirit which prompts it.

On habits and manners