Do not talk (except to intimate friends or in private)
about the state of your health, your clothes, your teeth, about
anything, in short, which can only be of interest to yourself
and your near friends, and try to reach a happy medium be-
tween uneasy shyness and presuming self-confidence, being
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 59
quiet and unassuming, but neither careless nor awkward.
Do what you can always for the entertainment ot others,
and when you join in games or similar amusement, do so
without noise or roughness, and with due regard to the
pleasure ot your companions.
If you are a guest in the house of others you must, upon
your arrival, first greet your host and hostess, and never
leave without making a proper farewell to them ; in your
own house you must politely and kindly receive your guests,
doing your best to make them at ease and to give them plea-
sure. When you are away from home you must be careful
to take no liberties, and must understand that many things
which it is proper to do in your own house, you'cannot do in
other people's houses without rudeness.
I believe that with young men, as with young women,
the safest means to obtain graceful and pleasing manners is
to think as little of yourself as possible. Of course it is ne-
cessary for you to give some thought to your appearance and
to your general demeanor, but my meaning is that you are
not to think of yourself selfishly or with over-sensitiveness.
Do not be too anxious as to the opinion that may be formed
of you ; do not constantly wonder whether people think you
are good-looking, or well dressed, or well-mannered, or
"smart ;" but watch closely the behavior of the most culti-
vated people you know, imitate their actions when you are
60 ON HABITS AND MANNERS.
in doubt or ignorance as to what is proper, and then forget
yourself and try to make those about you comfortable and
happy. This may seem to you an odd rule whereby to mea-
sure yourselve3, but I assure you that if you will put it in
practice you will find it covers a great many of these details
which seem so hard to master when you are obliged to take
them one by one. You will find, in many cases, when you
are perplexed as to the proper thing to do, that the answer
to the question, " What will be most agreeable to those
about me?" will solve yoar doubts and decide correctly f r
you. For example, nothing is more ill-bred than over-famil-
iarity, and, as a general thing, nothing is more disagreeable
to the people to whom it is offered. Do not approach too
closely to any one to whom you may be speaking, especially
if it be a lady ; do not touch any part of the dress or person
of any one near you ; do not whisper, point or stare ; do not
make remarks upon the appearance of others while you are
in their presence, and do not ridicule or make fun of either
strangers or friends.
Do not keep up a private conversation to the exclusion
of other people, and do not in any way amuse yourself at
other people's expense, for, as I have said before, the rude-
ness which unnecessarily wounds another person's feelings,
is just as inexcusable as the rudeness which stares a person
out of countenance or occupies a comfortable seat while
some tired woman stands.
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 6\
Page 25
Presented as published in 1888. Historical recipes may not meet modern food-safety standards. Cook from the modern interpretation, not the original instructions.
AI-modernized reading of the original text
Do not talk (except to intimate friends or in private) about the state of your health, your clothes, your teeth, about anything, in short, which can only be of interest to yourself and your near friends, and try to reach a happy medium between uneasy shyness and presuming self-confidence, being
quiet and unassuming, but neither careless nor awkward.
Do what you can always for the entertainment of others, and when you join in games or similar amusement, do so without noise or roughness, and with due regard to the pleasure of your companions.
If you are a guest in the house of others you must, upon your arrival, first greet your host and hostess, and never leave without making a proper farewell to them ; in your own house you must politely and kindly receive your guests, doing your best to make them at ease and to give them pleasure. When you are away from home you must be careful to take no liberties, and must understand that many things which it is proper to do in your own house, you'cannot do in other people's houses without rudeness.
I believe that with young men, as with young women, the safest means to obtain graceful and pleasing manners is to think as little of yourself as possible. Of course it is necessary for you to give some thought to your appearance and to your general demeanor, but my meaning is that you are not to think of yourself selfishly or with over-sensitiveness. Do not be too anxious as to the opinion that may be formed of you ; do not constantly wonder whether people think you are good-looking, or well dressed, or well-mannered, or "smart ;" but watch closely the behavior of the most cultivated people you know, imitate their actions when you are
in doubt or ignorance as to what is proper, and then forget yourself and try to make those about you comfortable and happy. This may seem to you an odd rule whereby to measure yourselves, but I assure you that if you will put it in practice you will find it covers a great many of these details which seem so hard to master when you are obliged to take them one by one. You will find, in many cases, when you are perplexed as to the proper thing to do, that the answer to the question, " What will be most agreeable to those about me?" will solve your doubts and decide correctly f r you. For example, nothing is more ill-bred than over-familiarity, and, as a general thing, nothing is more disagreeable to the people to whom it is offered. Do not approach too closely to any one to whom you may be speaking, especially if it be a lady ; do not touch any part of the dress or person of any one near you ; do not whisper, point or stare ; do not make remarks upon the appearance of others while you are in their presence, and do not ridicule or make fun of either strangers or friends.
Do not keep up a private conversation to the exclusion of other people, and do not in any way amuse yourself at other people's expense, for, as I have said before, the rudeness which unnecessarily wounds another person's feelings, is just as inexcusable as the rudeness which stares a person out of countenance or occupies a comfortable seat while some tired woman stands.