On habits and manners

I can only tell you broadly that politeness is as much in place in school rooms as in par- lors, and if you do not practice it in the one place you may be sure you will never be perfect in it in the other. When any of your associates, of either sex, show you curtesy in any form, you must never fail to make due ac- 48 ON HABITS AND MANNERS. knowledgment. It costs you scarcely a breath to say "Thauk you," or "I am much obliged," or "You are very kind;" but these little phrases, spoken at the right time, are of real importance, and you should try to form a habit of using them, as well as of taking notice in other ways of the little favors which you ought to be able to accept as well as to offer kindly and freely. When you meet friends it is proper to inquire if they and their families are well, and to show interest in their well being, and sympathy for their troubles, all of which can be done without exhibiting any impertinent curiosity, and is, of course, a very different thing from that personal questioning which is merely an attempt to pry into matters that do not concern you. In regard to making calls you have to be guided in de- tail by the customs of the community in which you live. In general, I can only tell you that ladies never call upon gen- tlemen, but may invite gentlemen to call upon them, having first made sure that they are proper and desirable acquaint- ances. You may invite other ladies to visit you, or may first visit them, the latter being usually considered more courte- ous, and when you receive invitations to call, must accept them as soon as possible, or it will be understood that you desire to drop the acquaintance. If you have been present at an entertainment of any kind, you should, within the following week, call upon your hostess as an acknowledge ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 49 merit of her hospitality. Formal visits should never exceed ten minutes in length, and in making them it is desirable to eave your card or your name, whether the lady of the house is at home or not, and, indeed, in very fashionable society, to leave a card is considered the equivalent of a personal visit. Acknowledgments of a gift, however small, should be made promptly and heartily, without, however, any extrav- agant expressions, which only give the impression that you do not mean what you say. Remember that any delay, for which there is no good reason, in sending your letter of thanks, or in making your acknowledgment in person, di- minishes the value of what you say, making it more a mat- ter of form and less an expression of real gratitude. Put yourself in the giver's place and you will realize how ungra- ious is the delay which allows the glow of friendly feeling to change to a disappointment and[ displeasure which excuses will hardly remove, and which, not improbably, may seriously disturb the friendship. As an illustration of the courtesy which good manners demand, I give you the following incident, the spirit of which, I am sure, you will appreciate, while you will un- derstand that the forms demanded by Japanese etiquette are not necessary in this country, where hospitality is suffi- ciently acknowledged by a properly worded letter, or by 5<D ON HABITS AND MANNERS. word of mouth, no gift being looked for except in cases where there has been special indebtedness.