In order to be graceful and ladylike in your manner
you must be at your ease, not presumptuous nor over-sure of
yourself, or vainly confident of your own ability, but simply
at your ease in that you are not constantly irritated by the
thought that you may be making some error, doing some-
thing foolish or different from other people, or in some way
showing that you are a stranger to the rules of society. And
I think we shall come back here to our original proposition,
namely, that you must think about yourself as little as pos-
sible. Do not fidget because you do not know what to do
with your hands, or get nervous because you do not know
whether you ought to stand up or sit down, but watch as
closely as you can the behavior of the cultivated people whom
46 ON HABITS AND MANNERS.
you may meet; accustom yourself as much as you can to do
as they do, and be sure that as a general thing the one rule
which will help you most is to think of others more than of
yourself.
It is very important for you to understand that to be
respectful in your manner and address is essential. In your
association with people older than yourself, with those who
are in positions of authority, with those of superior wisdom
and experience, you must show special respect, not insisting
upon your own equality, not advancing your own opinions,
not contradicting others or asserting yourself, but listening
rather than talking, and being content to follow instead of
to lead.
I have spoken to you before of the impropriety of whis-
pering in general society, and I have still something more
to say upon that subject. It is rude for anybody, but espe-
cially for young people, to converse in whispers, to monopo-
lize conversation, or to keep up a private conversation to the
exclusion of others, but it is inexcusably so when they are
in the presence of those who are older and better informed
than themselves, Also this special respect must be shown
to places as well as to individuals, in public meetings, at
lectures, concerts, or similar gatherings, but, above all, in
church your demeanor must be quiet and unobtrusive ; you
must do nothing to disturb others or attract attention to
ON HABITS AND MANNERS, 47
yourself, and in church or at any meeting for purposes of
devotion, you must maintain a sober and reverent manner.
I do not know anything more displeasing in young
girls than a habit of loud talking and restless or bold beha-
vior in public places. Your instinct of modesty ought to
protect you from this fault ; and if you are so unfortunate as
to have contracted it, do your best to change and modify
your manner, and let me advise you to make a beginning in
the school room. So much of your school life as students is
spent in class rooms, and so many of you intend to become
teachers that this matter of school etiquette deserves especial
thought. Let me suggest to you then, that you give to
your teachers the same respect and attention, which you in
your turn, desire to receive from the pupils to whom in fu-
ture you are to be leaders and examples. Respect also the
room, and its furniture; respect your classmates, and work
together to make the standard of the school room high and
inflexible. If you are in doubt as to what this standard
should be, your teachers can tell you, and will be your best
advisers in matters ot detail.
Page 19
Presented as published in 1888. Historical recipes may not meet modern food-safety standards. Cook from the modern interpretation, not the original instructions.
AI-modernized reading of the original text
In order to be graceful and ladylike in your manner you must be at your ease, not presumptuous nor over-sure of yourself, or vainly confident of your own ability, but simply at your ease in that you are not constantly irritated by the thought that you may be making some error, doing something foolish or different from other people, or in some way showing that you are a stranger to the rules of society. And I think we shall come back here to our original proposition, namely, that you must think about yourself as little as possible. Do not fidget because you do not know what to do with your hands, or get nervous because you do not know whether you ought to stand up or sit down, but watch as closely as you can the behavior of the cultivated people whom
you may meet; accustom yourself as much as you can to do as they do, and be sure that as a general thing the one rule which will help you most is to think of others more than of yourself.
It is very important for you to understand that to be respectful in your manner and address is essential. In your association with people older than yourself, with those who are in positions of authority, with those of superior wisdom and experience, you must show special respect, not insisting upon your own equality, not advancing your own opinions, not contradicting others or asserting yourself, but listening rather than talking, and being content to follow instead of to lead.
I have spoken to you before of the impropriety of whispering in general society, and I have still something more to say upon that subject. It is rude for anybody, but especially for young people, to converse in whispers, to monopolize conversation, or to keep up a private conversation to the exclusion of others, but it is inexcusably so when they are in the presence of those who are older and better informed than themselves, Also this special respect must be shown to places as well as to individuals, in public meetings, at lectures, concerts, or similar gatherings, but, above all, in church your demeanor must be quiet and unobtrusive ; you must do nothing to disturb others or attract attention to
yourself, and in church or at any meeting for purposes of devotion, you must maintain a sober and reverent manner.
I do not know anything more displeasing in young girls than a habit of loud talking and restless or bold behavior in public places. Your instinct of modesty ought to protect you from this fault ; and if you are so unfortunate as to have contracted it, do your best to change and modify your manner, and let me advise you to make a beginning in the school room. So much of your school life as students is spent in class rooms, and so many of you intend to become teachers that this matter of school etiquette deserves especial thought. Let me suggest to you then, that you give to your teachers the same respect and attention, which you in your turn, desire to receive from the pupils to whom in future you are to be leaders and examples. Respect also the room, and its furniture; respect your classmates, and work together to make the standard of the school room high and inflexible. If you are in doubt as to what this standard should be, your teachers can tell you, and will be your best advisers in matters of detail.