In general society there are, as you know, many par-
ticulars in which what is proper for one sex is not proper for
the other, and what is required of one sex is not required of
the other, and these differences form a very important part of
our social regulations, so that it becomes again necessary to
divide our subject, and upon certain points to speak with re-
gard, primarily, to their diversity. In obedience, therefore,
to a well known rule of etiquette, I shall once more [give
precedence to young women among my readers, and endea-
vor to show them what Society has decreed to be the essen-
tial attributes and duties of a lady — that is, what a lady
must and must not do when she is in the presence of others.
I have already asked you to notice that the foundation
of good manners is the commandment, "Thou shalt love thy
neighbor as thyself;" for even if you do not in your heart
obey that precept, you must externally appear to do so, if
you desire to be courteous and well bred.
38 ON HABITS AND MANNERS.
You must, that is, always endeavor to make those about
you comfortable and happy, even when it is at your own ex-
pense; and upon this point it will be necessary to go some-
what into detail in order that you may fully understand
what is expected ot you, for in society you are brought into
contact with so many different people under frequently
changing conditions, that no single rule can cover your gen-
eral demeanor.
Toward all persons of your own sex, toward old people
ot both sexes, toward invalids, or those wTho are in any way
weaker than yourself, you must show deference — that jis/you
must invariably consider their comfort and pleasure, and must
show them a certain external respect. In your turn, how-
ever, you will receive a similar deference from gentlemen,
and in most cases you must understand that you are enti-
tled to certain privileges by right of your sex. For example,
you must not pass through doors or gates, or up-stairs before
other people, but must allow them to pass before you ; you
must not take the most comfortable or the only seat in a
room, but must offer it politely to others, except in the case
of gentlemen, who will allow you to precede them, to occupy
the only seat, etc., and whose attentions you must accept
always with suitable acknowledgments.
You must not sit or piss between the fire or the light
and another person ; in short, you must not take the best of
ON HABITS AND MANNERS. 39
anything to yourself, but must share it with others, never
pushing your own claims but trusting always to the polite-
ness of your associates. In your own house especially you
must be watchful that your guests are cared for, while, when
you are yourself the guest of other people, you must be care-
ful to take no liberties.
Page 15
Presented as published in 1888. Historical recipes may not meet modern food-safety standards. Cook from the modern interpretation, not the original instructions.
AI-modernized reading of the original text
In general society there are, as you know, many particulars in which what is proper for one sex is not proper for the other, and what is required of one sex is not required of the other, and these differences form a very important part of our social regulations, so that it becomes again necessary to divide our subject, and upon certain points to speak with regard, primarily, to their diversity. In obedience, therefore, to a well known rule of etiquette, I shall once more [give precedence to young women among my readers, and endeavor to show them what Society has decreed to be the essential attributes and duties of a lady — that is, what a lady must and must not do when she is in the presence of others.
I have already asked you to notice that the foundation of good manners is the commandment, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself;" for even if you do not in your heart obey that precept, you must externally appear to do so, if you desire to be courteous and well bred.
You must, that is, always endeavor to make those about you comfortable and happy, even when it is at your own expense; and upon this point it will be necessary to go somewhat into detail in order that you may fully understand what is expected of you, for in society you are brought into contact with so many different people under frequently changing conditions, that no single rule can cover your general demeanor.
Toward all persons of your own sex, toward old people of both sexes, toward invalids, or those who are in any way weaker than yourself, you must show deference — that is, you must invariably consider their comfort and pleasure, and must show them a certain external respect. In your turn, however, you will receive a similar deference from gentlemen, and in most cases you must understand that you are entitled to certain privileges by right of your sex. For example, you must not pass through doors or gates, or up-stairs before other people, but must allow them to pass before you ; you must not take the most comfortable or the only seat in a room, but must offer it politely to others, except in the case of gentlemen, who will allow you to precede them, to occupy the only seat, etc., and whose attentions you must accept always with suitable acknowledgments.
You must not sit or pass between the fire or the light and another person ; in short, you must not take the best of
anything to yourself, but must share it with others, never pushing your own claims but trusting always to the politeness of your associates. In your own house especially you must be watchful that your guests are cared for, while, when you are yourself the guest of other people, you must be careful to take no liberties.