And here, indeed, we find the ensample wherein is summed up all the
graciousness which goes to make a " gentle " life. Do not think, then
that I aim too high when I tell you that to be gentlemen and ladies
is to be pure, conscientious and honorable, to be delicate and unselfish,
careful always of the rights of others, and refined and gentle in the
manner of our lives — that, in a word, it is to reach the highest type
of man-and woman-hood.
But of the great lessons which we must all learn in order to
mould our natures after this perfect model, it is not my business now,
and here, to speak. It is only with the " outward, visible sign of the
inward, spiritual truth," that I have to deal in these pages, which I
am permitted to dedicate to you; and I have to offer you, first of all,
6
PREFACE.
a few words of explanation as to the nature of the work which lies be-
fore us.
You have already, doubtless, realized that society, (by which
word we mean all the various combinations of men and women, — all
the numerous conditions under which men and women mingle with
each other), makes certain demands upon each of its individual mem-
bers; and you have also begun to see that just in proportion to the de-
velopment of .society, and the height to which you rise in the social
scale, are the number and stringency of these demands. That is, that
while in the backwoods cabin you may eat in the coarsest fashion, or
go unwashed for days without exciting surprise, you will find that
among another class of people such behavior would result in your
own social disgrace.
Now, among the most refined classes of the most highly civilized
nations — that is, among people who have had the greatest advantages
of birth, education and nature — there exists a code of social law
which is just as inexorable as the law of the State. It has grown with
the growth of civilization, and among the people who live within its
influence, has produced certain habits and customs which you must
study and follow if you desire to gain the external attributes of gentili-
ty, and associate easily and pleasantly with your fellow-beings.
While honesty and purity of life are the surest^foundation for true
refinement of character, the details of daily life wherein such refine-
ment shows itself are a study by themselves, "and demand your
careful attention. In the following pages I shall try to give you the
principal laws of good society, and as many of its minor regulations as
are likely to be of use to you, trusting that your own earnestness and
persistence may make this little book a real and permanent assistance
toward a better life. M. F. A.
ON HABITS AND MANNERS.
CHAPTER I.
THE ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE.
There is no place where it is easier to recognize refine-
ment, or the want of it, than at the table ; and to those of
you who are beginning to understand how good a thing it
is to be "gentlemen and ladies," that is, to be really re-
fined and delicate in the manner of jrour lives, I offer the
following simple rules, assuring you that society will al-
ways be largely influenced in its judgment of you by your
behavior at table, and that, if you wish to take the first step
in social education, you must do your best to become at ease
in the details of table etiquette.
Page 1
Presented as published in 1888. Historical recipes may not meet modern food-safety standards. Cook from the modern interpretation, not the original instructions.
AI-modernized reading of the original text
And here, indeed, we find the ensample wherein is summed up all the graciousness which goes to make a " gentle " life. Do not think, then that I aim too high when I tell you that to be gentlemen and ladies is to be pure, conscientious and honorable, to be delicate and unselfish, careful always of the rights of others, and refined and gentle in the manner of our lives — that, in a word, it is to reach the highest type of man-and woman-hood.
But of the great lessons which we must all learn in order to mould our natures after this perfect model, it is not my business now, and here, to speak. It is only with the " outward, visible sign of the inward, spiritual truth," that I have to deal in these pages, which I am permitted to dedicate to you; and I have to offer you, first of all,
PREFACE.
a few words of explanation as to the nature of the work which lies before us.
You have already, doubtless, realized that society (by which word we mean all the various combinations of men and women — all the numerous conditions under which men and women mingle with each other) makes certain demands upon each of its individual members; and you have also begun to see that just in proportion to the development of .society, and the height to which you rise in the social scale, are the number and stringency of these demands. That is, that while in the backwoods cabin you may eat in the coarsest fashion, or go unwashed for days without exciting surprise, you will find that among another class of people such behavior would result in your own social disgrace.
Now, among the most refined classes of the most highly civilized nations — that is, among people who have had the greatest advantages of birth, education and nature — there exists a code of social law which is just as inexorable as the law of the State. It has grown with the growth of civilization, and among the people who live within its influence, has produced certain habits and customs which you must study and follow if you desire to gain the external attributes of gentility, and associate easily and pleasantly with your fellow-beings.
While honesty and purity of life are the surest foundation for true refinement of character, the details of daily life wherein such refinement shows itself are a study by themselves, "and demand your careful attention. In the following pages I shall try to give you the principal laws of good society, and as many of its minor regulations as are likely to be of use to you, trusting that your own earnestness and persistence may make this little book a real and permanent assistance toward a better life. M. F. A.
CHAPTER I.
THE ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE.
There is no place where it is easier to recognize refinement, or the want of it, than at the table ; and to those of you who are beginning to understand how good a thing it is to be "gentlemen and ladies," that is, to be really refined and delicate in the manner of your lives, I offer the following simple rules, assuring you that society will always be largely influenced in its judgment of you by your behavior at table, and that, if you wish to take the first step in social education, you must do your best to become at ease in the details of table etiquette.