If a friend makes an afternoon call, and you wish her to
stay and take tea, invite her to do so at once, as soon as she
has sat down, and do not wait until she has risen to depart.
Should chance visitors come in before the family have gone to
tea, let them at once be invited to partake of that repast, which
they will, of course, decline, if they have had tea already. In
a well-provided house there can be no difficulty in adding
something to the family tea table, which, in gentfcel life, should
never be discreditably parsimonious. It is a very mean prac-
tice for the members of the family to slip out of the parlor one
by one at a time and steal into an adjoining room to avoid in-
ETIQUETTE. 29
viting their visitor to accompany them. How much better to
meet the inconvenience by conducting your accidental guest to
the table, unless she says she has already taken tea, and will
amuse herself with a book while the family are at theirs.
Casual evening visitors should avoid staying too late. Ten
o'clock is the usual time to depart, or at least to prepare for
doing so. If the visit is unduly prolonged, there may be evi-
dent signs of irrepressible drowsiness in the heads of the fam-
ily, which, when perceived, will annoy the guest, who m.ust then
feel that she has stayed too long.
If you are engaged to take tea with an intimate friend, who
assures you that you will see none but the family, and you
afterwards receive an invitation to join a party to a place of
amusement, which you have long been desirous of. visiting, you
may retract your first engagement, provided you send an apol-
ogy in due time, telling the exact truth, and telling it in polite
terms. Your intimate friend will take no offence, considering
it perfectly natural that you should prefer the concert, the play,
or the exhibition, to a quiet evening passed at her house with
no other guests. But take care to let her^know as early as pos-
sible. And be careful not to disappoint her again in a similar
manner.
Obligations to Gentlemen. — In her intercourse with gentle-
men a lady should take care to avoid all pecuniary obligation.
The civility which a gentleman conventionally owes to a lady
is a sufficient tax — more she has no right to expect or accept.
A man of good sense and of true politeness will not be offended
at her unwillingness to become his debtor. On the contrary,
he will respect her delicacy and approve her dignity, and con-
sent at once to her becoming her own banker on all occasions
where expense is to be incurred.
When invited to join a party to a place of amusement, let
her consent, if she wishes; but let her state expressly that it is
only on condition of being permitted to pay for her own ticket.
If she steadily adheres to this custom it will soon be under-
stood that such is always her commendable practice; and she
can then, with perfect propriety, at any time, ask for a seat
among friends who intend going. To this accommodation she
could not invite, herself if in the continual habit of visiting pubr.
V
30 ETIQUETTE.
lie places at the expense of others. The best time for a lady
to pay for herself is to put her money into the hand of the gen-
tleman previous to their departure for the place of performance.
He will not be so rude as to refuse it. If he does refuse, she
should evince her resentment by going with him no more.
Page 17
Presented as published in 1883. Historical recipes may not meet modern food-safety standards. Cook from the modern interpretation, not the original instructions.
AI-modernized reading of the original text
If a friend makes an afternoon call, and you wish her to stay and take tea, invite her to do so at once, as soon as she has sat down, and do not wait until she has risen to depart. Should chance visitors come in before the family have gone to tea, let them at once be invited to partake of that repast, which they will, of course, decline, if they have had tea already. In a well-provided house there can be no difficulty in adding something to the family tea table, which, in genteel life, should never be discreditably parsimonious. It is a very mean practice for the members of the family to slip out of the parlor one by one at a time and steal into an adjoining room to avoid in-
viting their visitor to accompany them. How much better to meet the inconvenience by conducting your accidental guest to the table, unless she says she has already taken tea, and will amuse herself with a book while the family are at theirs.
Casual evening visitors should avoid staying too late. Ten o'clock is the usual time to depart, or at least to prepare for doing so. If the visit is unduly prolonged, there may be evident signs of irrepressible drowsiness in the heads of the family, which, when perceived, will annoy the guest, who must then feel that she has stayed too long.
If you are engaged to take tea with an intimate friend, who assures you that you will see none but the family, and you afterwards receive an invitation to join a party to a place of amusement, which you have long been desirous of. visiting, you may retract your first engagement, provided you send an apology in due time, telling the exact truth, and telling it in polite terms. Your intimate friend will take no offence, considering it perfectly natural that you should prefer the concert, the play, or the exhibition, to a quiet evening passed at her house with no other guests. But take care to let her know as early as possible. And be careful not to disappoint her again in a similar manner.
Obligations to Gentlemen. — In her intercourse with gentlemen a lady should take care to avoid all pecuniary obligation. The civility which a gentleman conventionally owes to a lady is a sufficient tax — more she has no right to expect or accept. A man of good sense and of true politeness will not be offended at her unwillingness to become his debtor. On the contrary, he will respect her delicacy and approve her dignity, and consent at once to her becoming her own banker on all occasions where expense is to be incurred.
When invited to join a party to a place of amusement, let her consent, if she wishes; but let her state expressly that it is only on condition of being permitted to pay for her own ticket. If she steadily adheres to this custom it will soon be understood that such is always her commendable practice; and she can then, with perfect propriety, at any time, ask for a seat among friends who intend going. To this accommodation she could not invite, herself if in the continual habit of visiting public places at the expense of others. The best time for a lady to pay for herself is to put her money into the hand of the gentleman previous to their departure for the place of performance. He will not be so rude as to refuse it. If he does refuse, she should evince her resentment by going with him no more.