girls would be much happier if at twenty-one they were
given allowances sufficient, not only for dress — which
should begin, as with boys, much earlier — but to cover
all expenses, except board and lodging : namely, journeys,
theatres, doctors, dentists, amusements, masters, and so
on. One girl would spend her allowance in one way and
one in another, but she would get as much profit or pleasure
to her individual self out of it as she could afford. If she
were well, she would not want doctors and dentists ; if
she were ill, she would not want amusements : and in
either case she would be learning the value of money.
We all know the discussions that go on in every family.
In one case the mother wishes her daughter to have
singing and piano lessons, though the daughter is
indifferent ; the master is hired, and the money and time
are more or less wasted. In another case the daughter
is pining for drawing lessons, and the mother looks upon
i t as rather a waste of money. Both these cases would
be adjusted if the deciding of their own education and
the paying of the lessons rested with the grown-up
daughters. This ought not to prevent mothers and
daughters from discussing together what is the most
desirable course to adopt ; it merely leaves the ultimate
decision with the learner. In fact, I would extend these
family discussions to all the important matters of life, and
even call in some reliable friend or relation, whose opinion
is valued by all parties, to help in the decision, on the
lines of that powerful legal arrangement which, in
French family life, is called conseil de famille. We get
so many useful hints on family life by the reading of
biographies that, to my mind, it is the most interesting of
all literature for the middle-aged. In Darwin's ' Life ' I
was immensely struck by an uncle interfering to over-
rule the decision of the good kind father, who had
refused the offer that young Darwin should go for the
DAUGHTERS
339
scientific voyage on the ' Beagle.' The father instantly
yielded to the opinion of his brother, and this perhaps
decided the whole of Darwin's life.
When I say that it is wise to gather as many
opinions as we can, it must always be with the idea
of helping our own judgment, never as putting the
responsibility on to others of any important decision,
which ought to rest entirely with ourselves, and which, as
in the case of Darwin's father, we may entirely alter ; but
when we change, we equally accept the responsibility of
any important decision quite independently of the adviser.
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girls would be much happier if at twenty-one they were
given allowances sufficient, not only for dress — which
should begin, as with boys, much earlier — but to cover
all expenses, except board and lodging : namely, journeys,
theatres, doctors, dentists, amusements, masters, and so
on. One girl would spend her allowance in one way and
one in another, but she would get as much profit or pleasure
to her individual self out of it as she could afford. If she
were well, she would not want doctors and dentists ; if
she were ill, she would not want amusements : and in
either case she would be learning the value of money.
We all know the discussions that go on in every family.
In one case the mother wishes her daughter to have
singing and piano lessons, though the daughter is
indifferent ; the master is hired, and the money and time
are more or less wasted. In another case the daughter
is pining for drawing lessons, and the mother looks upon
i t as rather a waste of money. Both these cases would
be adjusted if the deciding of their own education and
the paying of the lessons rested with the grown-up
daughters. This ought not to prevent mothers and
daughters from discussing together what is the most
desirable course to adopt ; it merely leaves the ultimate
decision with the learner. In fact, I would extend these
family discussions to all the important matters of life, and
even call in some reliable friend or relation, whose opinion
is valued by all parties, to help in the decision, on the
lines of that powerful legal arrangement which, in
French family life, is called conseil de famille. We get
so many useful hints on family life by the reading of
biographies that, to my mind, it is the most interesting of
all literature for the middle-aged. In Darwin's ' Life ' I
was immensely struck by an uncle interfering to over-
rule the decision of the good kind father, who had
refused the offer that young Darwin should go for the
DAUGHTERS
339
scientific voyage on the ' Beagle.' The father instantly
yielded to the opinion of his brother, and this perhaps
decided the whole of Darwin's life.
When I say that it is wise to gather as many
opinions as we can, it must always be with the idea
of helping our own judgment, never as putting the
responsibility on to others of any important decision,
which ought to rest entirely with ourselves, and which, as
in the case of Darwin's father, we may entirely alter ; but
when we change, we equally accept the responsibility of
any important decision quite independently of the adviser.