There are some very sensible people who, in their invita-
tions, tell frankly what is to be expected, and if they really ask
but a few friends, they at once give the names of those friends,
so that you may know who you are to see. If you are to meet
no more than can sit around the tea table, they signify the
same. If they expect twenty, thirty, or forty persons they say
so, and do not leave you in doubt whether to dress for some-
thing very like a party, or for a mere family tea-drinking.
If it is a decided music party, by all means specify the same,
that those who have no enjoyment of what is considered
fashionable music, may stay away.
Always reply to a note of invitation the day after you have
received it. To a note on business send an answer the same
day. After accepting an invitation, should any thing occur
to prevent your going, send a second note in due time.
Do not take offence at a friend because she does not invite
you every time she has company. Her regard for you may be
as warm as ever, but it is probably inconvenient for her to
have more than a certain number at a time. Believe that the
omission is no evidence of neglect, or of a desire to offend you;
but rest assured that you are to be invited on other occasions.
If you are not, then indeed you may take it as a hint that she
is no longer desirous of continuing the acquaintance. Be dig-
nified enough not to call her to account; but cease visiting her
without taking her to task and bringing on a quarrel. But if you
must quarrel let it not be in writing. A paper war is always
carried too far, and produces bitterness of feeling, which is sel-
dom, if ever, entirely eradicated, even after apologies have
been made and accepted. Still, when an offence has been
given in writing, the atonement should be made in writing also.
Avoid giving letters of introduction to people whose ac-
quaintance cannot possibly afford any pleasure or advantage to
those whose civilities are desired for them, or who have not
46 ETIQUETTE.
leisure to attend to strangers. Professional people, to whom
"time is money," and whose income stops whenever their hands
and eyes are unemployed, are peculiarly annoyed by the fre-
quency of introductory letters brought by people with whom
they can feel no congeniality, and whom they never would
have sought. Many men of worth are not in a situation to
entertain strangers handsomely, which means expensively.
They may be in straightened circumstances through a thou-
sand causes, and, therefore, unable to bear incessant demands
on their time, attention, and purse. And in numerous instances
letters are asked and given with no better motive than the grat-
ification of idle curiosity.
Bores are particularly addicted to asking letters of intro-
duction in accordance with their system of bestowing their
tediousness upon as many people as possible. The kind friends
from whom these missives are required are to be pitied, as
they appear to have not the courage to refuse, or address
enough to excuse themselves plausibly from complying.
Page 29
Presented as published in 1883. Historical recipes may not meet modern food-safety standards. Cook from the modern interpretation, not the original instructions.
AI-modernized reading of the original text
There are some very sensible people who, in their invitations, tell frankly what is to be expected, and if they really ask but a few friends, they at once give the names of those friends, so that you may know who you are to see. If you are to meet no more than can sit around the tea table, they signify the same. If they expect twenty, thirty, or forty persons they say so, and do not leave you in doubt whether to dress for something very like a party, or for a mere family tea-drinking.
If it is a decided music party, by all means specify the same, that those who have no enjoyment of what is considered fashionable music, may stay away.
Always reply to a note of invitation the day after you have received it. To a note on business send an answer the same day. After accepting an invitation, should any thing occur to prevent your going, send a second note in due time.
Do not take offence at a friend because she does not invite you every time she has company. Her regard for you may be as warm as ever, but it is probably inconvenient for her to have more than a certain number at a time. Believe that the omission is no evidence of neglect, or of a desire to offend you; but rest assured that you are to be invited on other occasions. If you are not, then indeed you may take it as a hint that she is no longer desirous of continuing the acquaintance. Be dignified enough not to call her to account; but cease visiting her without taking her to task and bringing on a quarrel. But if you must quarrel let it not be in writing. A paper war is always carried too far, and produces bitterness of feeling, which is seldom, if ever, entirely eradicated, even after apologies have been made and accepted. Still, when an offence has been given in writing, the atonement should be made in writing also.
Avoid giving letters of introduction to people whose acquaintance cannot possibly afford any pleasure or advantage to those whose civilities are desired for them, or who have not
leisure to attend to strangers. Professional people, to whom "time is money," and whose income stops whenever their hands and eyes are unemployed, are peculiarly annoyed by the frequency of introductory letters brought by people with whom they can feel no congeniality, and whom they never would have sought. Many men of worth are not in a situation to entertain strangers handsomely, which means expensively. They may be in straightened circumstances through a thousand causes, and, therefore, unable to bear incessant demands on their time, attention, and purse. And in numerous instances letters are asked and given with no better motive than the gratification of idle curiosity.
Bores are particularly addicted to asking letters of introduction in accordance with their system of bestowing their tediousness upon as many people as possible. The kind friends from whom these missives are required are to be pitied, as they appear to have not the courage to refuse, or address enough to excuse themselves plausibly from complying.