But the demon of indigestion may easily be exorcised with a little care and thoutjht. Three great apothegms should be borne in mind. Imprimis : Never worry your food ; . let it cook out its own salvation. Item : Use as few highly spiced condiments as possible ; and, lastly, keep to natural flavours, juices, and sauces. Much modern depravity, for instance, I attribute to the unholy cult of Mayonnaise THE CHAFING DISH 7 (or Mahonnaise, or Bayonnaise, or Mag- nonaise, according to different culinary authorities). At its best it is simply a saucy disguise to an innocent salmon or martial lobster, reminding the clean-palated of an old actor painted up to look young. I once knew a man who proposed to a girl at a dance-supper simply because he could not think of anything else to say, and suddenly discovered that they both hated Mayonnaise. I have no reason to suppose that they are unhappy. At the same time I am in no wise against trying new dishes, new combinations of subtle flavours, if they do not obliterate the true taste of the basis. An experimental evening with Chaffinda, when one is not sure how things are going to turn out, is, I find, most exhilarating, and a sure cure for the blues. But I am fain to admit that on such occasions I always provide a chunk of Benoist pressed beef as a stand-by in case of emergency. There is nothing final about the Chafing Dish. Another point about having a wife in the shape of a Chafing Dish is somewhat delicate 8 THE CHAFING DISH to explain. Coarsely indicated, it amounts to this. Continuous intercourse with such a delicious, handy and resourceful helpmeet tends to a certain politeness in little things, a dainty courtesy which could not be engen- dered by the constant companionship of a common kitchen - range. Chafing - Dish cookery bears the same relation to middle- class kitchen cookery that the delight&l art of fencing does to that of the broadsword. Both are useful, but there is a world of subtle differentiation between the two. The average rough and tumble of the domestic saucepan contrasts with the deft manipulation of the miniature battery of tiny pans. And politeness always pays ; moreover, it it vastly becoming. I gave a little tea-party recently to some dear children. Some of them were twins. Edith, a female twin ot nine, asked me to help her to some more blackberry jam. " Certainly, Edith," I said ; " but why don't you help yourself ? " The maid was even politer than she was hungry : " Because I was afraid I should not take enough." And thus we learn how things work among manikinkind. THE CHAFING DISH 9 There are some who delight in the flavour of onions. I do myself — but then I am a bachelor. Politeness and onions form one of life's most persistent inconsistencies. His Most Gracious Majesty King George IV., it is recorded, attempted to kiss a royal house- maid, who said : " Sir, your language both shocks and appals me ; besides which, your breath smells of onions ! " And again, in a Cambridge dining-room, a framed notice on the wall stated : " Gentlemen partial to spring onions are requested to use the table under the far window." Nevertheless, the benefits of onions toward the human race are probably not less than those attendant on the discovery of steam. It is a vegetable whose manifold properties and delights have never been properly sung. As a gentle stimulant, a mild soporific, a demo- cratic leveller of exaggeration in flavour, a common bond between prince and peasant, it is a standing protest of Nature against Art. On my wall, as I write, hangs a delightful oil study of a clump of onions in flower, which the deft artist aptly dubs Le Fond de la Cuisine. Dr, William King said that lo THE CHAFING DISH " Onions can make even heirs or widows weep " ; and the *' Philosopher's Banquet," written in 1633, seems to meet the case ex- cellently :

AI-modernized reading of the original text

But the demon of indigestion may easily be exorcised with a little care and thought. Three great apothegms should be borne in mind. Imprimis : Never worry your food ; . let it cook out its own salvation. Item : Use as few highly spiced condiments as possible ; and, lastly, keep to natural flavours, juices, and sauces. Much modern depravity, for instance, I attribute to the unholy cult of Mayonnaise (or Mahonnaise, or Bayonnaise, or Magnonaise, according to different culinary authorities). At its best it is simply a saucy disguise to an innocent salmon or martial lobster, reminding the clean-palated of an old actor painted up to look young. I once knew a man who proposed to a girl at a dance-supper simply because he could not think of anything else to say, and suddenly discovered that they both hated Mayonnaise. I have no reason to suppose that they are unhappy. At the same time I am in no wise against trying new dishes, new combinations of subtle flavours, if they do not obliterate the true taste of the basis. An experimental evening with Chaffinda, when one is not sure how things are going to turn out, is, I find, most exhilarating, and a sure cure for the blues. But I am fain to admit that on such occasions I always provide a chunk of Benoist pressed beef as a standby in case of emergency. There is nothing final about the Chafing Dish. Another point about having a wife in the shape of a Chafing Dish is somewhat delicate to explain. Coarsely indicated, it amounts to this. Continuous intercourse with such a delicious, handy and resourceful helpmeet tends to a certain politeness in little things, a dainty courtesy which could not be engendered by the constant companionship of a common kitchen-range. Chafing-Dish cookery bears the same relation to middleclass kitchen cookery that the delightful art of fencing does to that of the broadsword. Both are useful, but there is a world of subtle differentiation between the two. The average rough and tumble of the domestic saucepan contrasts with the deft manipulation of the miniature battery of tiny pans. And politeness always pays ; moreover, it it vastly becoming. I gave a little tea-party recently to some dear children. Some of them were twins. Edith, a female twin ot nine, asked me to help her to some more blackberry jam. " Certainly, Edith," I said ; " but why don't you help yourself ? " The maid was even politer than she was hungry : " Because I was afraid I should not take enough." And thus we learn how things work among mankind. There are some who delight in the flavour of onions. I do myself — but then I am a bachelor. Politeness and onions form one of life's most persistent inconsistencies. His Most Gracious Majesty King George IV., it is recorded, attempted to kiss a royal housemaid, who said : " Sir, your language both shocks and appals me ; besides which, your breath smells of onions ! " And again, in a Cambridge dining-room, a framed notice on the wall stated : " Gentlemen partial to spring onions are requested to use the table under the far window." Nevertheless, the benefits of onions toward the human race are probably not less than those attendant on the discovery of steam. It is a vegetable whose manifold properties and delights have never been properly sung. As a gentle stimulant, a mild soporific, a democratic leveller of exaggeration in flavour, a common bond between prince and peasant, it is a standing protest of Nature against Art. On my wall, as I write, hangs a delightful oil study of a clump of onions in flower, which the deft artist aptly dubs Le Fond de la Cuisine. Dr, William King said that " Onions can make even heirs or widows weep " ; and the *' Philosopher's Banquet," written in 1633, seems to meet the case excellently :

The cult of the chafing dish